Thursday, February 12, 2009

Kitten Goes To Hollywood

On my other blog I tell about going to Hollywood. (except it isn't posted yet) There I tell only the truth. Here, though, I give the rest of the story. A story which can only happen to me, or some kindred spirit. (bless their heart)

Hollywood is terribly overrated. Down by the theaters they were trying to get us to go in for the David Letterman show. We couldn't, because in Typical "Kitten Goes To Hollywood" fashion, well, here goes the story:

We went on a Warner Brothers in the morning. As we were leaving they gave us a list of nearby restaurants. Like, restaurants within a mile or two. One of them was actually a place we planned to visit while in L.A. But The Lion acted as if he didn't even see it and said we were going to Hollywood. We went to Hollywood. The Lion wanted to go to Chateau Marmont. We circled the place like hawks waiting for a parking spot. There seemed to be some sort of garage, but there were Town Cars sitting in the entry, and they never left. After chasing our tails for about ten minutes we decided to try something else. We found out the Peruvian place we wanted to eat was very close, so we went over there. It took forEVER to go a mile. Like more than 30 minutes, maybe nearly an hour? When we arrived, the place was closed. Typical Peruvian restaurant - opens for lunch, closes, then opens later for dinner. We drove around for a long time, again. When we finally got out of the car I told The Lion we had to really hustle because I needed a bathroom NOW.

Want to know what's a bad idea? Having sex when you know you are having your period! What's worse? Periods and orgasms are an interesting combination. (Yes, let's get that uterus contracting all day!) Then, for fun, let's go more than an hour without being able to get to a bathroom!

I ran into this donut shop where I saw a woman working. I asked her where the closest ladies room was. She said she didn't know. I asked her "You don't know where there's any ladies room around here at all? She was really hateful and said she didn't. I asked again "Seriously? You work here and you don't know anywhere with a ladies room?" The whole time she had this look on her face like she was just forced to eat a skunk or something. A couple of really nice guys told me there was a bar next door and I could run in there to use the facilities. I ran in there and I had bled through my Spanx and my pants. Lovely - I'm wearing pink pants and things are a mess. Luckily, it was colder in L.A. than Ohio that day and I had my coat. But it's hot when you're walking, you know (and also when the hot flash/panic attack sets in again) - and I couldn't even open my coat to cool off. So of course we couldn't take the guy up on his invitation to see David Letterman. Because I couldn't sit down and also ruin my white coat.

And because I can never let anything go? On the way back to the car I stopped and took pictures of the exterior of the donut shop and the "No bathroom" lady. She saw me on the sidewalk taking her picture and gestured frantically, shouting at me. I continued snapping photos and she continued shouting and gesturing. I waved at her and took more pictures. When I was done I gave her the good old thumbs up sign.

I'm so glad I made her mad by taking her picture and waving to her. She can rot. With her attitude I'm sure her life has to suck.

I went back to the hotel and scrubbed my pants and spanx, drying the spanx with the hair dryer, got dressed and went to dinner.

One Margarita, well earned.

*Not David Letterman, since he is in New York City. So really, I have no idea which late show they were trying to get us to watch. I feel better knowing I didn't pass up an opportunity to go into the Letterman show. 

1 comment:

  1. She needs to get her picture posted everywhere.

    Don;t you owe us some other Hollywood stories?