That's PFCPB To You, Punk

The best/worst (take your pick, I'm exhausted) part of today was when I took my 34B self to Victoria's Secret to be fit for a new bra. I knew I needed a fitting so I just acted all bold. I walked right up and asked for one. But that guy really only wanted to buy something for his wife, go figure. So I asked some gal who works there. She was glad to do it. After measuring me, which is never awkward or humiliating, she gave me a whole box of bras to try on. Thank God I carry pony tail holders in my purse because after a few I was getting what I'm pretty sure are the hot flashes combined with a full-fledged panic attack. I keep having her come back to show her how my boobs are suffering some kind of elephant man syndrome in these things. I tell her my old bra is better than these.

After much examination of my person she decides I need to go up not just one cup size, but two. I give her the hairy eyeball and thrust my boobs up towards her with my hands and exclaim "These boobs are NOT 34Ds! Look at me!" She tries to talk me down by talking about how I have this thing called a "Full Cup" and I should celebrate it because it's why my boobs are so perky. I have to admit, it sort of worked when she started saying stuff like "Perky". In the end she helped me a lot and deserves way way wayyyyy more than they paid her today. I can promise you that much.

I bought a bra and she wrote down the other style that worked for me so I can order more brases online. I now have a love/hate relationship with her, though. It's because the pink/pink striped bra I wanted to buy just didn't work for me. I wanted something greatly fabulous and that was it. But I couldn't have it. I think it's a conspiracy against people with cute little freckles on their shoulders or perky breasts. Or both.

For spending so damn much money they gave me some Godiva chocolates and I AM NOT EVEN LYING. Godiva chocolates from Victoria's Secret! They're sucky because I'm picky about my chocolates but I'm going to be a good perky breasted sport and eat them anyway.

From now on I would liked to be addressed as Princess (Full Cup) Perky Breasts, okay?